An open letter to the company who rejected me

Dear unnamed company who rejected me,

Thank you very much for the form letter informing me that you could not offer me employment at this time.  I felt a lot better knowing that despite my “impressive talents” you decided to hire someone else, who I am sure also has impressive talents.  My impressive talents are nothing but a cold comfort when I think about my “impressive” student debt, my lack of health insurance, and the possibility that my inability to pay rent in the next few months will lead me to a job at Starbucks or Walmart (although my dad says there’s nothing wrong with that, because you do what you have to do). 

My impressive talents have been a comfort to me much in the same way that being told that “I love spending time with you, I am attracted to you, and I think you are quite remarkable but I can’t be in a relationship with you because I need to be alone right now” was a comfort, or rather made me feel terrible about myself despite all the impressive compliments preceding the blow.  But no matter, I got over that and learned an important lesson:  Just say what you mean instead of worrying about hurting someone’s feelings because it will happen despite your failed attempts at tact. 

Company who rejected me, I must admit I am not that upset I didn’t get the job at your esteemed institution.  You were not my dream job.  I think its just that I’ve been toiling away all this time in graduate school because of the promise of expanding my job opportunities and building a better life for myself.  Instead of all my dreams coming true, I’m in the precarious position of an uncertain future.  Who knows how many more rejection letters will fill my inbox?  I just hope the swine flu avoids me until I get a job with health insurance.