What a girl wants, part deux

I try not to make fun of people too much.  Okay, that’s a lie.  I don’t avoid it at all.  I relish publicly flogging stupidity in all its unendearing forms, such as the MySpace message I received the other day from a young man who fell horribly on his face in his honest attempt at hitting on me.

One disclaimer:  I generally reserve my sharpest attacks for the scumbag ex-research partner/socially awkward classmate who ripped out my heart, stomped on it, and destroyed my ability to believe in myself and all of humanity (well, maybe just the opposite sex). So, when a guy hits on me in any shape or form, I am quite flattered.  Wow.  You think I’m pretty?  You think I’m cool?  You think I’m worth getting to know?  Holy shit–maybe life is beautiful after all.  But, this little gem I’m about to relate is too good to pass up because it’s like kids say the darndest things, only I’ll call it: Horny boys in their mid-twenties say the darndest things.

A few days ago, I got a Myspace message from a guy who used the subject line: “Hey pretey woman.”  Yes, he spelled “pretey” just like that.  If you recall from my last post, “What a girl wants”, bad spelling makes me lose my proverbial hard on.  So, as you can imagine, my inner snark was already turning cartwheels and jumping up and down on the imaginary trampoline in my head.

The next thing he writes:  “Are you really 28?  You look really good for your age.  I bet you get that a lot though.”  Well, yes, I do hear that a lot.  In fact, I have a baby face, I’m petite, and I’m shaped like a gawky teenager.  Waitresses, gas station attendants, and 16 year-old clerks at Wegmans call me honey and sweetie all the time.  My driver’s license is always assumed to be fake.  I make men feel like child molesters when they sleep with me; however, I’m not complaining.  I look forward to being a sexy 40 year-old woman with my hot 18 year-old boyfriend by my side.  Demi Moore knows what I’m talking about.

But, I’m making fun of this guy’s e-mail because the implication in his message is that 28 is old.  I don’t think I’m reading into it or making impressive inferences.  His message made me wonder: what is 28 supposed to look like?  Perhaps the bottom falls out after 25 and you turn into an old hag.  I dunno.  I can’t tell the difference between 28 and 25.  I read the guy’s profile after reading his message, and I chuckled because it turns out he’s 25.  He’s three years younger than me!  It’s not like he’s a 15 year-old kid, because I thought 25 was sooo old and sophisticated when I was 15.  Now, I think 25 is quite young, and this young man has a lot to learn about ladies.  Lesson number one:  Don’t hit on a young woman by implying that she’s old.