I support Hillary Clinton, so you can take your “We are the Change we’ve been waiting for” and shove it!

I loved Barack Obama before Oprah Winfrey, but I’m like, so over him now– kinda like how I loved Modest Mouse way before they started sucking and VH1 started playing their videos.  Sort of like how I used to be madly in love with this one guy when I was in highschool, but I grew up, met new boys and now ten years later, I never, ever think about him. 

I went to an Obama speech in 2006.  He’s like, so two years ago for me.  And, you know what, I was charmed by his speech, but I now know that his speech was nothing more than political pandering.  He was speaking at a luncheon for Democratic pro-choice women who donate a lot of money to attend speeches, so he entertained us with such stories about how his wife is much smarter than he is and how she could “mop the floor” with him.  Oh, we loved it, because not-so-secretly we think we’re way more brilliant than all the menfolk and hell, the last guy I slept with told me the main reason he was so attracted to me is because I’m so smart.  I don’t talk to this guy anymore.  I don’t think intelligence is enough to keep a guy for longer than 35 minutes and then, maybe five minutes of cuddling.  Besides, I’m smart enough to know that was 40 minutes of my life I’m never getting back. 

All right.  I admit, Obama is an ok guy.  I will wholeheartedly support him in the general election if he is the Democratic nominee, because I am worn out from the last 8 years of Republican rule and I’m embarrassed and sickened by the debacle in Iraq.  Barack Obama is a much better alternative to John McCain who steadfastly supports the war in Iraq and who is also decomposing right before our eyes.  But, I’ve learned something really important about what it means to be a successful politician–they say things that people want to hear.  They say the stuff that makes us feel warm and happy and then we start thinking its morning in America all the freaking time all the while the country is going to hell in a handbasket.  It’s like that time when the socially awkward classmate told me all the good stuff that made my clothes magically melt off my body, while he was really just a giant douchebag. So, a good politician doesn’t always make a good leader (or a good boyfriend, for that matter)  Just ask George W. Bush.

I’m not saying that Obama is a giant douchebag.  He might actually make a good president.  But I want Hillary Clinton to be president.  I know she’s not the cool choice.  I know her husband is Bill Clinton, who says all those things that make people strap on the knee pads, but I’m so sick and tired of men running the country and the world.  There, I said it.  A woman in the White House is real change.  I’m assuming that Obama has a penis.  That’s the same old same old that hasn’t been making the world a better place, since say, the beginning of time.

Oh, and I don’t care about the whole awful co-president thing.  I agree with Tina Fey–two smart people working together to solve problems actually sounds like a good idea.  What if we tried it and it worked?  What if they did solve problems together?  What if people’s lives were improved this way?  I mean, two people together work well in all sorts of other contexts.  It happens all the time in communications research and two people getting married and raising kids together hasn’t met with many objections.  Why do you think Dolce works with Gabbana?

And, the news media is biased against Hillary Clinton.  If this isn’t obvious, then I don’t know what is.  Perhaps, it has to do with her last name, or that she gives the press so little access, but if your life has been dissected in the most demeaning ways for nearly 20 years, you would probably hate reporters too.  And, since I mentioned the word, demeaning, let me just say that press coverage of Clinton has been demeaning and mean spirited.  We talk about her in ways that we would never, ever talk about a man.  Every old stereotypical, misogynist bull shit line has been thrown her way, and by women too.  Perhaps if many of us women weren’t so busy calling each other bitches, cunts, and sluts and competing against one another for the giant douchebags of the world, perhaps we really could change the world.  We’re the majority of the world’s population, yet we’ve been supporting men who really don’t have our interests at heart. 

And Clinton’s Iraq war vote.  Yeah.  I hate the war.  I really thought about moving to another planet in 2003.  But, 99 percent of the Senate voted for the war and I’m pretty certain that Hillary Clinton won’t get into office and make up wars for us to fight. And I’m not really impressed with Obama’s whole “I was against the war from the start yada yada.”  I don’t care Obama.  You weren’t in the Senate at the time, so how the hell do we know how you would’ve voted?  You could’ve been taken for a ride by Prez Bush too.  The best we can do now is apologize for the terrible mistakes we have made and try to find a way to make the world a better place.  Oh, and Moveon.org, you haven’t done this country any favors either.  You are ineffectual and annoying–kind of like several of my ex-boyfriends– so your whole anti-war endorsement of Barack Obama is quite boring.

One more thing: I like Hillary Clinton.  I like her because she is smart, because I think she really does care about making the world a better place, and she makes me proud to be an American woman.  I’ve admired Hillary Clinton ever since I was an awkward, lonely, smart, hardworking 12 year old who saw all the possibilities in life when I saw her.  She was the reason I got interested in politics in the first place.

Since the formation of this country, women have been asking to be included in the political process.  Abigail Adams asked her husband to “remember the ladies” as he and the other revolutionaries wrote the Constitution.  Each step of the way, women have been told that now is not a good time, that we should wait.  Now, we have the perfect opportunity and I don’t think we should wait any longer.  Now is the time and we are ready for a woman president.