Dear girl on Marshall Street, the one who got out of the Lexus SUV wearing black and white polka dot spandex,Â
Why were you wearing polka dot spandex? Why did you think those were a good idea? I’m thankful you chose not to pair those things with Ugg boots, but seriously, what made you buy them? Why did the voice in your head tell you to do that? Did you forget to check yourself in the mirror? Do you suffer from a degenerative disease that makes it impossible for you to see that you looked like a sick, sad version of Minnie Mouse?
Perhaps you bought polka dot spandex because you saw Paris Hilton wearing them. If that’s true, you don’t deserve the painstaking care a five year old child in Malaysia put into sewing that crime against humanity.
I’m not sure if you noticed me laughing at you, and I want to thank you for the small joy you gave me. It’s been awhile since I felt strong enough to openly laugh at somebody in public. And, I must say, I feel sorry for you today. Perhaps you don’t have a good friend, or anybody who could have been there for you and stopped you from buying your polka dot leggings.
