Gauchos vs. Spandex: free to be you and me

 I should be studying for Judicial Politics right now, but something just occurred to me and I can’t ignore it.  I was thinking about Polka Dots in her dumb spandex when I looked down and realized that I was wearing gaucho pants.  You know, those elastic waisted, wide-leg, short pants that were all the rage last year.  And then it hit me: am I in a glass house throwing stones?  Am I the pot calling the kettle black?  Polka Dots c’est moi.

Is there a difference between last year’s crazy pants and this year’s crazy pants and why do we fall victim to these sad fads?  Let’s look at the differences:  

Gauchos are roomier and they forgive a bit of belly pooch.  Plus, they make great fat pants, especially when you’ve been eating nothing but cookies, Cadbury Eggs, and pretzels for two days straight because you’re experiencing that lovely little reminder of Original Sin, also known as menstruation.   Gauchos look even dumber than spandex or sweat pants paired with Ugg boots.  While, I am sure that some twit driving a Land Rover has done it, gauchos and Uggs are just gross.  Thankfully, I have never seen polka dot gauchos.  They probably exist in somebody’s local Urban Outfitters, but I haven’t had the displeasure of seeing them with my own eyes. 

Now let’s look at the similarities between spandex and gauchos.  First of all, short, fat girls with cankles need not apply.  Whoever first decided to market both styles was thinking Gisela Bundchen and not Rosie O’Donnell.  While, gauchos may be more forgiving, if you have fat ankles, you’re shit out of luck. Moreover,  both styles retail at Urban Outfitters for about $40.  Lastly, women think it is acceptable to wear these styles out in public.  Despite their seemingly appropriate places as lounge wear and gym attire, women all over the country can be seen wearing both styles at the local Starbucks, mall, or college campus (just to name a few places).  One time, I wore my gauchos to a final exam, but I try to keep them in the privacy of my own home.  I think I have fat ankles.

So, there are just as many similarities as there are differences.  I do not claim a rivalry between spandex and gauchos, but I’m wondering if it is time for me to embrace my inner Polka Dot Girl.  We’re all in this cycle of dubious fashions together.  Perhaps, the next time I’m at Starbucks satiating my need for frappuccinos, I’ll see Polka Dots, and instead of deprecating her, I will nod to her, smile, and say, “Nice pants”.

Or not.